The (Mythical) "On/Off" Switch

Yesterday, I changed a setting on my FL profile. Hell, I change lots of them on a pretty regular basis ;-)

This one was especially meaningful. Why? Hmmmm... there's no good, short answer, so let's have a look, shall we?

It relates to the part of the FL profile where it allows you to make selections about your personal information. As you may (or may not) be aware, I am (a) Dominant.

The thing that I changed on my profile was the field where it asks "How active are you?"

Up until yesterday, I answered "Just in the bedroom", but I have been thinking about this for a while and wondering whether it was actually true or not. It's part of my growth and maturity as a Dominant and as a person. [NOTE: Yes, I believe that the two are intimately connected, inseparable. More on this in a future blog posting. You'll note that I digress regularly. OOOOH, Squirrel!! See? Personal flaw, I think. :-D ]

My reasoning behind the original answer was that the kinds of activities that I associated with "kinky" are usually ones that are found in the bedroom. But, the important part of this question is the realization that my being Dominant and my being kinky aren't necessarily the same thing! In fact, the way that the profile itself is constructed lends itself to collapsing everything into one big ball called "kink."

This is not a complaint about the way FL is built. It is what it is and it works just fine for what I need it to do. Now, fortunately, when it comes to topics that are of interest to me, I am pretty rigorous. Both in the way that I research, write and speak about such topics. I can't help it. It's a fire that feeds itself. That's both a blessing and a curse, I think. Again, I digress...

The plain fact of the matter is that I find the more I am willing to embrace and own my being (a) Dominant, the more I find that it's around me -- in fact, it's everywhere I look!! So much so that I've concluded that:

There is no time when my dominance is not looking for and finding a way to be expressed in life.

Dominance is not an act that I just turn on when my partner is present and then goes dormant again when she  leaves. No, it's like an omnipresent, primal urge. It continues to find its way into everything I do and completely informs who I am and am becoming.

From a "kinky" perspective, those thoughts are almost always close to my regular thoughts, because I have an (almost) insatiable drive and am a very passionate person. That said, that mode of "play" (and I hate that fucking word, BTW) doesn't hold up well outside of normal locales which lend themselves to that. It certainly doesn't mean that I won't push the envelope, but more often than not, it's going to occur somewhere in/near a/my (private) residence.

Even then, dominance is not about what you do to/with/for another. What you do is superficial (at best), if action is the only thing brought to the table. I think it's a lot more than that.

In my view, dominance expresses itself and is embodied in being related with another.

The curious thing about it is that I think dominance is often misunderstood and conflated with control. The dictionary definition does us no favors in this regard. Dominance and domination are weighed down with the baggage of the conventional views about control, power and authority. It almost completely disregards the relational aspect.

In fact, I see dominance and submission as opposite ends of a continuum. Heh. This is a topic for another post or perhaps a series of posts. So, please just hold that as an aside for now ;-)

Anyhow, if being related (or relationship) is where dominance/submission manifest themselves, then there is no such thing as "Just in the bedroom," unless that is the sum total of your "relationship." Kinkyness? Maybe so.

As I said earlier, the more I am able to own/acknowledge this, the more I am able to see this across all domains of my life, not just with an intimate partner.

No, when it comes to being Dominant, I am this -- 24x7.
This is part of who I am, how I relate to others and integral to my fit with life.

Welcome to the conversation. Strap yourself in (not strap on, you pervert! :-) ) and let's go!

So much to discuss, so little time... :-D

/Spicy